So excited about my challenge ahead in 2017!!! Years of trying to work out what I should be doing with my life, but now, going in this direction, I feel the most comfortable I’ve ever been. We’ll see in a year’s time I guess! For those of you wondering what my direction is, I’ve been tussling with my desire to be a missionary for many years knowing full well that I can’t do that because I have responsibilities where I live. Not that I wish I didn’t, absolutely not! But, it’s now time to do something about the missionary thing. Ok, yes, I can’t go but I can learn as much as possible, read as much as possible and experience as much as possible so that I can put that to work and support, encourage and mentor those that can go.
I’m going to start a course next month called Perspectives which I’ve been pointed to that will give me the foundation of what it is I’m trying to learn. The aim of the course is to learn about the realities of being a missionary and the pros and cons of wanting to help ie. not always getting it right! Then once I’ve completed the course I’m going to a mission project to roll up my sleeves and get working at the coal face to experience it first hand.
I’m excited and terrified in equal measures. I’m scared of failing, of getting it wrong and not being of any help. I’m scared of flying there and of being in a country I’ve never been to before which works completely differently to everything I’ve ever known. I’m scared of going by myself (if indeed I can’t find anyone else to go with) and I’m scared that I won’t be able to handle two weeks in the conditions, in the heat and without an internet connection! Wow, I’m so domesticated these days, it’s shameful! That said I’m so excited about following my heart and doing something I’ve always wanted to do, I’m excited about going to a country I’ve not been to before to witness a new place and new culture, I’m so excited to meet the children in the orphanage and to be there for them even if it is only for 2 weeks, and I’m so excited about my own personal adventure which I haven’t done for donkeys years since I finally grew up and became all sensible and responsible. The sense of adventure has never left me but the self-confidence (or stupidity as it could probably have been called back then) left long ago the more home-centric and domesticated I’ve become.
I can’t believe I’m the only one out there at this stage of life wanting to start living again and follow their true heart. I hope some of you will come along with me on this journey even if it’s just from your desktop, it’ll be great to have you along 🙂